I find myself these last few days , ignoring what serves self and diving into the energies of distraction. This isn’t anything new to me, these habits. still ,even in the comfort of it I ask myself. why.Why am I distracting myself today? everytime I make progress , Its as if I must do something opposing my better actions. so What is my fear here?
I say its fear because that is the only thing that stops me from really doing anything. it is usually the fear of something that we may or may not be aware of .But it is fear nonetheless. so what could it be ?
-fear of failure – fear of the unknown – fear of ……. what …of being alone? in all of this
it may very well be all three and I Truly understand them and why I fear and even where they stem from.still i am aware that allowing this fear to sabotage my efforts does nothing to help heal, does nothing to make my life what i want it to be and only delays . so what am I not seeing? is my shadow trying to tell me something that i am not noticing? is this just habits that i must continue to replace with better habits? how deep does this fear go and do I even want to dive that deep?
i believe that on our journey we must start to question if we haven’t already.not just those around us, not just the system and society . but most importantly we must question ourselves. question our habits , why do we do the things we do and where do they originate from. questioning ourselves keeps us in a space of being responsible for ourselves. it keeps our morals and our awareness of self in plain view.
so i am questioning. this week as i also continue to dive into my shadow work,i want and will start questioning more of my habits and comforts and most importantly my fears. Just to make a note, i have done his before . diving into my emotions and understanding them was never something i enjoyed and sometimes it still annoys me. i feel that once i review some aspect of myself that- that should be it.But it never is . and that is both great and terrifying.(mostly annoying ).(why is it annoying – that’s a question)
what are you afraid of? what’s stopping or delaying you on your journey inwards? do you know? are you ready to face that aspect of yourself or are you still deciding if this is a path you want to take?